Marriage + Relationship = IMPOSSIBLE?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Medicine isn't something I thought that would 'happen' to me. Yet the more I thought about it, the more natural it seemed and when the opportunity came knocking at the door, I seized it with a smile that reached my ears with the utmost excitement.

I spent my time fantasizing about sitting in lecture halls, absorbing like a sponge, the knowledge that my would-be professors would impart; standing for countless hours dissecting cadavers- those remains of people who had a part to play in history whether in a small, familial setting or on a larger scale- each one of them had a story to tell, I felt. I would then hit the clinical years- interacting with patients, getting a shot at diagnosing their various illnesses, feeling that sense of satisfaction in knowing that I'm not only touching the lives of others, but I'm actually touching my own by enriching it with my life purpose- that raison d'être- the very reason for my existence. Residency would soon follow, as would marriage with my prince charming. Kids would soon follow and I'd live happily ever after!

Right.... Lets take a reality check on that one shall we?!

The moment I attended my first lecture, that big fantasy I kept replaying over and over again was rudely shattered. Medical school is no joke- its freggin serious stuff and no amount of prozac or anything else one may crave for will numb the damn pain. Yes, stress is the invisible tiger that we must tame but being pushed to exhaustion is another thing all together! I even got screamed at for having the best french manicure with painted flowers and my nails weren't even long!

Like all girls (or people- I don't want to be accused of being a sexist or anything), I had this silent (or not so!) fantasy part where I would meet my prince charming- that man who would sweep me off my feet. I planned meticulously, my elaborate wedding right down to the finest details like the kinda china we'll be eating from.

Then he came along- my own prince. Little did I know though, that he truly was one. Our courtship started after we bumped into five times on separate occasions. We met in the hospital where his nephew was a patient. I was awestruck by this 2m tall, dark, handsome man and well, he was kinda taken aback when he saw this 1.85m tall girl who was oh-so-hyper, she could make pigs fly. We got to know each other via phone conversations and outings when I could squeeze time in. Then came the engagement and along with that suddenly came the demands of his mother who *ordered* me to stop studying.

The engagement came to an abrupt end after I told her to save it for Oprah and that I wasn't going to stop studying for the world. So here I stand, wondering.. would I ever be able to do it?! Would I ever be able to nurture my children well and be there and hear them say their first words? Would I be a wonderful, supporting wife to her husband? Would I be an awesome daughter to my parents? Can I do all of the above and still be in a highly competitive specialty? The questions are endless and the worries that follow it, are worse.

Yes, men have it easier (sorry guys- I'd support y'all on a normal day but hey- unless you're going to pop triplets outta your bums, I suggest you reserve the right to remain silent!).. alot easier but its hard for them too. Would that mean though that I should end up marrying a doctor? Would it be alright to have two exhausted individuals raising a household? What if our timings clash or are the complete opposite and don't end up spending time with each other? Oh and lets not forget the fact that everything comes with a price and after graduating from medical school with alot of debt (high tuition costs), we earn minimal wages as residents despite working around-the-clock.

There's a day for pretty much everyone and everything- Mother's Day, Father's Day, Friendship Day, Rose Day, St. Valentine's Day, etc. Whatever happened to Doctor's day?! Didn't it strike anyone to start celebrating that in conjunction with the others?!

How many of you all are married and work or study? How do you find the time to balance it? How can you all bare the lack-of-sleep?! Do you just live life from day-to-day? How do you do it?! Has the infamous Nike slogan, "Just do it" become your personal motto in life? Pray tell, what's your secret?!


Grey said...

long post ! long post ! will come back for it !


LOL, sorry, can't help you. I am single.

Anonymous said...

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have missed you! I did not know you had moved back to blogger!! I am not single anymore.. Tho I am not married sooo I wish I could help you but I would be no help!!

Glad to see you back I am on Wordpress now! I am blog rolling you so I can come back!!


Anonymous said...

i find it hilarious that women always gotta use the birth excuse to say their lives are harder. What if the women doesn't have kids? What if the women use pain killers? What if the man has been through a horrific physical accident. Let's not use physical pain as a meter for how difficult one's life is; it's fairly irrelevant. More on par would be mental distress, with a little bit of physical pain.